Five Years

Five years ago today, after 9 hours (through the night) of active labor (with no meds), the most perfect, squishy lump was placed in my arms. In that moment I felt the weight of the world pressing in on the walls all around me, bearing down on my shoulders. At the same time it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes, and I could see that world... like I could see through it, really. It was like, in one moment, I was given the terrible responsibility to protect a helpless, innocent, brand-new being that was- only hours before- intangible and unknown to me, and then given the strength, resiliency, compassion, and will to do it.

All at once.

Happy birthday to her.

Happy birthday to me.

I didn't know it then, but until that moment, I was only a half-person, walking through my days feeling fulfilled and accomplished only because I didn't know any better.

It was like before my daughter was born I was happy in my kiddie pool in my fenced-in backyard, and with my daughter I was given the beach and the ocean.

Happy birthday, Audrey Grace. You have been my mirror, my teacher, my comedic relief, and my constant companion, and it's only been five years. I can't imagine what else is in store in the coming years... but I am so glad I get to find out. You are amazing.